Headline sketch- “U.S. ship repels attack by pirates”

“Shiver me timbers!” said captain pebbles as he spoke victoriously to his fellow pirate mates. “Look at this… we are on the landlubber’s newspaper… wait, I forgot you bunch of barnacle crusted slabs can’t read, anyway it says “U.S. ship repels attack by pirates.” Arg! What a bunch of fruitcakes, Ha-ha.” The captain rambles on about the fear of his enemy. He then changes his tone, and is no longer prideful; anger begins to fill his voice. “We could’ve taken em’ down, if it hadn’t have been for you sea legged pirates, we could have bull eyed them a broadside.” The captain continues to vent, scaring away his pet parrot. “Arg! Ye mates, next time we face these soft-bellied Americans, you guys better be on task because, if we paralyze their defenses, the treasure will be mine… I mean ours, for the taking! Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate’s life for me.”